THE CHRISTMAS GIFT
by Donna McIntosh
Summary: Ennis receives a magical gift of time from Santa Claus.


Title: THE CHRISTMAS GIFT

Author: Donna McIntosh

E-Mail: Brokeback Mountain

Genre: Slash

Rating: NC-17 FRAO

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx. I make no money off of them; I just day-dream about them a lot.

Warning: Just pure silliness!

Summery: Ennis receives a magical gift of time from Santa Claus.

THE CHRISTMAS GIFT

2004

The old man shuffled into the Wolf Ears Bar and made his way to the table in the back, his usual place. He fumbled with arthritic hands to pull out the chair and sat himself down, a small puff of dust from his clothes as he did so. It was Friday night and Ennis Del Mar had finished up his work week stacking boxes at the local WalMart. God, how he hated that place!

The surly waitress sauntered up to him and around her chewing gum asked "What can I do you for?" She'd asked this same man the same question week after week, year after year ever since she started working there seven years ago. She had her reasons for being surly, her husband and two children had been killed in a car accident and left alone without family or anyone else to care, and she ended up waiting tables at Wolf Ears Bar and Grill. She didn't even bother to bring out her note pad; she knew what he was going to order; the same thing he ordered every Friday night.

"Bud," was all he said without even looking up. He couldn't stand the sight of her any more than she could of him. Her gray hair fastened up in a bun held none of its golden hews of years gone by; her step none of its sultry sway. Cassie was back in a matter of minutes with the long neck and placed it, none to gently, on the table in front of him as if his very existence offended her.

"Will there be anything else, SIR?" She stood, hand on hip and glared down at him.

He glared back for an instant then returned his gaze out the window ignoring her. He sipped from the bottle and watched the Friday night lights of Riverton come on.

The post office across the street was all decorated with red Christmas lights that were blinking on and off. They seemed to be strung from building to building all up and down the street as far as he could see through the frosted up window of the bar. Someone had done a piss-poor job of drawing a Christmas scene on the bar window with white shoe polish but he could still see most of the street; small neat piles of snow along the curb where the sidewalks had been shoveled, cars parked on either side of the street and people finishing up their down-town business and heading home one by one. Red and green streamers spanned the street with big golden stars dangling in the middle and on the corner a lady ringing her bell beside the Salvation Army kettle. The snow had started again and everyone outside was hurrying happily on their way, lugging packages of last minute Christmas shopping.

Inside the bar, everything was different. The juke box played some sad song and every one seemed to be in a somber mood; completely removed from the world outside. Not the usual Friday night crowd: boisterous and noisy. There were very few people here tonight, just three drinking quietly at the bar and only two other tables held customers.

But it was early yet; just barely past dusk. The crowd would be picking up soon enough or maybe not. It was Christmas Eve.

Ennis squirmed in his seat trying for a comfortable position for his hip, broken three years back but still giving him discomfort when the weather turned cold. And it was cold tonight. He wouldn't stay long; just long enough for a beer or two then he'd buy his usual case of long necks and head home to his trailer like any other Friday night.

Christmas meant nothing to him anymore. He had done his usual: bought two Christmas cards, one for each daughter, stuffed a little money in each and mailed them off. He saw little of his daughters any more; one now living in Kansas the other in California. He'd seen his grandkids only a few times. He was uncomfortable around them. They seemed totally alien to him, all full of noise and questions. He paid them little mind.

He was just finishing up his second bottle when an old man took a seat opposite him.

"Whew. Do you mind if I sit for a minute?" He asked blowing out a frosty bit of air as he sat his bulk down in the wooden chair, it squeaking its protest beneath him.

"Sure, I'm leavin anyway." Ennis drained the last from his bottle and started to leave.

"Could you wait just a minute? Have a few words? I'm so tired of talking to kids all day, it's a relief to speak to an adult for a change." The old man said.

"I ain't much for talkin," Ennis said as he looked the man over. He was shorter than Ennis but at least twice his weight. He wore jeans, a jean jacket and a red flannel shirt that made his round face seem even redder. The pale blue eyes smiled at him from underneath thick white eyebrows, and the bearded chin jutted out in a friendly manner.

"OK. You don't have to talk. Maybe you could listen and I'll talk. How will that be?"

Ennis gripped his empty bottle with a sigh but sat where he was.

"I've been playing Santa Claus over at WalMart. You work there, in the back."

Ennis nodded and tried to place this guy; knowing he'd never seen him before.

"I've been giving out candy canes and little gifts to kids all day and listening to their Christmas wishes. Most of them won't get half of what they asked for but maybe half is all that they really need."

Ennis nodded again.

"What about you? What do you want for Christmas?"

"Just for it to hurry up and get over with," Ennis replied honestly.

"You don't like Christmas?"

"Nope. Too much noise, too much fussin 'round, nothin but one more bill to pay."

"It's hard being alone at Christmas." The old man said. "My wife's a long ways away but I'll be with her tomorrow. You got any family?"

"Not 'round here." Ennis began to fidget.

"You probably aren't really in the mood for Christmas and celebrating then are you?"

"You got that right," Ennis answered emphatically.

The old man looked at him in silence for several minutes then reached into his pocket and brought something out. It looked like a large red marble, about the diameter of a quarter; and set it on the table in front of Ennis. "I have this one gift left. I think it belongs to you."

"Keep it. I got no use for marbles." Ennis said.

"Oh, but it's not a marble. Look at this." He picked it up in his hand, squeezed it, and put it back down. It glowed a bright red for an instant then went back to its normal color.

Ennis stared at it amazed. "How'd you do that?" He asked.

"Try it. If this gift is for you, then it will glow even brighter than that. If it's not for you, it won't glow at all."

Ennis gave him a look but the old man had a jolly grin on his face and his eyes were sparkling. Ennis had to go along with this gag, whatever it was. He reached out, picked up the orb and examined it. It looked and felt just like an over-sized marble.

"Go on; squeeze it." The old man chuckled.

Ennis did as he was told and when he opened his hand the small ball was glowing a brilliant red that cast a red glow over the entire bar room. He clamped his fist tight and looked around. No one else in the bar seemed to notice even though the bar was nearly full of thirsty customers now. He opened his hand just a tiny bit and saw the bright red ball glowing.

"What is this?" Ennis asked.

"Now place it back on the table."

Ennis did as he was told and the ball immediately became just a plain red orb again.

"What is it? How does it work?" Ennis asked. "Does it have batteries?"

The old man threw his had back and laughed with a merry "Ho ho ho".

"You sound like Santa Claus." Ennis said.

"But I am!" The old man exclaimed. "I already told you that. And this is your Christmas gift." He smiled.

"Look; it's nice and all, but I got no money to buy whatever you're sellin." He started to rise up from his chair but the old man stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"You've got this all wrong. I'm not selling anything. I've been listening to Christmas wishes all day long and giving out little gifts. I had this one special gift left. I knew I'd know who it belonged to as soon as I met him. I'm not a drinking man but something told me to come in here and I'd find the right person to give this to. It's not just a shiny marble, you know. It's magic."

"Magic?" Ennis scoffed.

"Well not magic exactly. What it is, is a time machine."

"A time machine?" Ennis snorted in mirth. He couldn't help it. This old man was really amusing.

"That's right. You take that home with you. Someplace where you're all alone and no body can see. You hold it in your hand and squeeze it tight, close your eyes and think of someplace in time where you'd like to be. Wait at least 30 seconds and it will take you there."

Ennis couldn't stop the chuckle that bubbled up inside of him. This old man was good; he'd have to grant him that. Whoever he was; he was playing his role to the hilt.

Ennis picked the ball up again and rolled it around in the palm of his hand it came to rest between the calluses.

"I must warn you of one thing though. There are dangers in the magic."

"This thing is dangerous? Maybe if I stepped on it and tripped and fell." Ennis offered.

"If you stay more than an hour in any one time; you will be stuck there and won't be able to come back to the present. So I suggest you take just short trips."

Ennis grinned a disbelieving grin and squeezed his hand tight then opened it again quickly. The ball glowed and filled the room with a red light. He glanced around the room and no one took any notice of it. He placed the ball back down on the table top and the light was gone; so was the old man. He looked all around but there was no sight of him. He sat a few minutes longer thinking the old man had gone to the rest room and would soon be back.

Cassie came up to his table, "You want somethin else? You been sittin here a long time."

"Eh … no. I was just waitin for that old man I was talkin to, to come back."

"What old man? The only old man I seen 'round here tonight is you! You want another beer? If ya don't you might as well git on home. We need the table."

Ennis picked up the ball, pocketed it and put his hat on. He walked out of the bar and into the frigid night air. He was home before the heater in his truck started working so he was nearly frozen when he finally made it inside his trailer. He tinkered with the thermostat and finally heard the heater kick on then unloaded the case of beer into the refrigerator. He tossed his jacket on the recliner and the small ball fell on the floor and rolled over to him up against his dusty boot.

He grinned and picked it up. That was some story that old man had laid on him. He squeezed the ball and it lit his tiny trailer with a red glow over everything. He tossed it over in the middle of his bed. The glow went out as it laid there. He heated himself up a can of stew and sat eating it out of the pan with a spoon. He glanced through his stack of mail that had been piling up. Two packages sat there un-opened; one from each daughter. He'd have to open them and write a note to each of his girls but he could do that later. He was in no hurry.

He took a shower and washed off the dirt and grime of the day and stood for a long time under the hot water letting it soothe his tired aching body. He wasn't a young man anymore and his 60 years felt like 90. He knew the time would come when he couldn't do it any more and that day was not all that far off. He remembered that fall he took off the dock when he broke his hip. Man, if he really did have a time machine, he'd go back and relive that day and be a hell of a lot more careful!

The water turned cold so he climbed out of the shower and dried off. He rubbed some BenGay into his aching hip sighing deeply at the penetrating warmth. He dressed in his pajamas, pulled on a pair of thick white socks and jumped in bed. The small red ball rolled on top of the covers as he pulled them up over him.

He reached down and picked it up. "A magic time machine!" he scoffed with a grin. He squeezed the ball tightly in his hand, closed his eyes and thought about that day on the dock…

They were unloading a truck, wheeling the dollies stacked with boxes out of the back and into the warehouse then back again for another load. As Ennis walked back towards the truck he noticed the patch of ice on the ramp. He looked at it for a moment then walked around it and on into the truck for another load. The truck was unloaded now and they were finished for the day. Ennis wiped his hands on his jeans and thought for a minute; something niggled at the back of his mind; he didn't know what …

He jolted back to reality as the glowing ball rolled from his hand onto the blankets. He blinked his eyes for a minute and figured he had dozed off. He needed to use the bathroom so he got up and went. He noticed the BenGay on the shelf and gave his hip a rub. That stuff sure worked great; his hip wasn't hurting at all any more.

The next morning he got up and fixed himself a cup of coffee. He collected the morning paper from the front steps and pulled the door shut against the cold air. His heater had cut off again so he fiddled with it until it came back on. He sat and drank his coffee over the paper and was wondering what to fix to eat when he thought about his hip. It wasn't bothering him at all and usually by this time in the morning he was hunting his Tylenol.

He stuck his hand down inside his pajamas and rubbed his hip and felt nothing; just smooth skin. He stood up, pulled them down and looked – the scar from his surgery to repair the broken hip, was gone. He did some bends and a few twists and there was no pain; no discomfort at all.

"What the hell?" Ennis voice echoed in the empty trailer. He glanced around and saw the small red ball in the middle of his bed. "Jesus Christ!" He said as he grabbed it up.

"This thing worked? No fuckin way! This is NOT magic!" He gave it a squeeze and opened his hand. Once again the trailer was bathed in red light.

He sat back down at the little table, staring at the ball. He KNEW it wasn't magic; he KNEW it didn't work, couldn't possible work. But his scar WAS gone! He no longer ached from that long ago injury.

"What's goin on here? I must be dreamin." He pinched himself several times and finally determined that he was indeed awake and he was indeed sitting at his table and staring at a small red ball that some old man claiming to be Santa Clause had given him. He shook his head and drank his coffee.

If only this was real! If only he could go back in time! His thoughts chased each other around trying to decide what to do first.

"If I could go back and change things … If I could go back … maybe see Jack again …"

He gripped his coffee cup in both hands and stared at the ball. Surely that couldn't really happen! This was nonsense. It must be some kind of hallucination inspiring thing. Then he thought of his hip and ran his hand once again down inside his pajamas and felt for the scar. It wasn't there! It was gone! He never broke his hip! But he could remember it clearly. He remembered the suddenness as he was falling and the dreadful pain as he hit the concrete floor. He remembered the surgery aftermath and the weeks of pain as he struggled to walk again. And the scar; he remembered how it itched and how ugly he thought it was and now it was gone; gone as if it had never happened.

He picked the ball up and stared at it. It looked like any other small ball. It felt like a marble but it was larger than that; about the size of the ball his girls used to play jacks with. He turned it over and over in his hands. It was just a small ball. That's all it was; nothing special at all about it. It was covered with a red swirl design; pretty, but nothing special. He squeezed it and opened his hand. The room glowed bright red. He shook his head and pinched himself again. He laid the ball back down and stared at it. If it WAS real; if he REALLY could go back ….

Where would he go first? Which memory was the most precious to him? What would he want to re-live? A thousand images of Jack passed before his eyes. "Jack! I could see Jack again; be with him again." He stood up and paced the length of the trailer and back again. This is crazy! It can't possibly work! But what if it did? What if he could see Jack again? Even if it was just for an hour; what hour would he want to relive?

Brokeback! It came to him then in a flash. He'd want to be on Brokeback Mountain again with Jack. He picked the ball up and held it for several moments then squeezed his hand tight and thought about that night in the tent. He'd gone in to apologize …

He knelt in the tent door, hat in hand. Jack sat up to face him. "I'm sorry," Ennis mumbled. "S'all right. S'all right." Jack said. They share their first kiss and Jack leans them back so that Ennis is lying in his arms. Moments later Jack rolls Ennis over and they share their first taste of love…

Ennis shuddered with a jolt and stood there next to his table with the little ball in his hand and the front of his pajamas wet. Ennis dropped the ball and stepped back in shock. He reached to touch himself and the wet spot and couldn't believe what has just happened. He was with Jack; back in that tent again! It wasn't a dream! He was there. He could still taste Jack's kisses. He searched around on the floor until he found the ball then sat back down holding it with awe. He didn't know how it worked or why the old man had given it to him but he was beyond questioning it any further. He reached into his pajamas again and felt for the scar. It was still gone. Some how, some way, this little ball worked!

He paced the floor back and forth. He had to be careful. He didn't know how many times it would work. It might just be like Aladdin's lamp and only work three times. That would leave him only one more visit to the past. He had to think; he had to make this one the best.

He thought about the fight they'd had the last time they saw each other but he didn't want to relive that; it was too painful. He wanted a happy memory; a Brokeback memory. He thought of the many times they had rolled in the grass, laughing and wrestling. He squeezed the ball, closed his eyes…

"Time to go, Cowboy." Jack said walking up to him and twirling his lasso overhead landed it around Ennis's shoulders. Ennis stood to walk back down towards the saddled horses and stumbled when Jack's rope trapped his feet. They tumbled to the ground rolling over and over laughing and showering each other with kisses. They saddled up and rode back down the mountain towards Signal…

Ennis came back to reality with a start. He hadn't hit Jack; there had been no nose bleed. He was confused. It was different this time. More like he would have wanted it to be. He had always regretted hitting Jack and wished he had handled it differently; and now it seems that didn't happen at all.

He got up and went to his closet. He flung the door open and the shirts were gone. They weren't there. There wasn't even a hole where the nail had been. It was simply as though it never happened. But it DID! He remembered it clearly! Did he actually go back and change things? Not just visit the past, but change it? He shook his head and sat down on the side of his bed. This was all a dream. It had to be. Stuff like this just didn't happen. There was no magic ball, he still had the scar, it must be there somewhere. The BenGay must have worn it down. He pulled his pajamas down and searched his hip for the scar. It was gone. Just like the shirts that had hung on his closet door for years; gone.

He cradled the ball in his hands and rolled it back and forth. Could this little red ball actually change the past? Not just let him visit the past but actually change it? And now that he had used it three times; was it still any good? He squeezed it tight and opened his hand; the room glowed red again. It seemed to be still working. He had to figure something out. What would he change and how would he change it? Should he have taken off with Jack and never married Alma? If he had done that, he never would have had his girls. What did he regret most? What could he change that would make the most difference?

It had to be Jack. He had to think of something so that Jack didn't die. He had to fix it somehow. But what should he change? What particular point in time did he need to go back to, to make sure that Jack didn't die. He had to make sure Jack wasn't there in Childress.

His stomach gave out a loud growl and he went to the cupboard and got down the box of Cheerios, stuck his hand in and shoved a handful into his mouth. He sat the red ball in the middle of the table and stared at it while he ate. The thought kept coming back to him that this was crazy; there is no such thing as magic and even if there was, why would some crazy old man who thought he was Santa Clause, give it to him? He had no answers; only more questions.

He spent the day wandering around his trailer trying to decide what to do. If this magic was real, it had to be handled carefully. His mind stretched back over the years, re-thinking all his time with Jack; all their 'fishing' trips, all their conversations; every look every touch. He paced the floor carrying the little ball with him; gazing at it and thinking about Jack.

Late afternoon he lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. What could he change that would save Jack's life. He could send him a letter and say something about getting his tires checked and tell Jack he should get his tires checked too. He could wish himself down on that lonely road to be there to help Jack, whether from a tire rim or a tire iron.

He wore himself out with his wondering and before he knew it, he had dozed off; the small red ball clasped in his hand…

"I gotta say this one time, Jack, and I ain't foolin. All them things that I don't know could get you killed if I should come to know them." Ennis's fists clenched by his sides as even in his sleep, the thought of Jack being with someone else seemed to crush the life out of him.

He shoved Jack in the chest. Jack glared back at him, "Try this one, and I'll say it just one time. Tell you what, we coulda had a real good life together, a fuckin real good life. You wouldn't do it!"

"Jack, I wanted to. I wanted to all them years; I just couldn't. It's different now though. Jenny will be 18 soon and I won't have no more support payments to make. I can quit my job and the two of us can take off if you still want to?"

Jack's jaw dropped and he stared at Ennis, open-mouthed. "You mean it? A coupla more months and we can be together?"

"Jack, it's what I want too. It's what I've always wanted. I just had so many things going on inside a me at once. Most important was my girls. I had to be there for them growin up. I know what it's like growin up without a Pa and I couldn't do that to them.

And there was the other thing." He looked down and scuffed the toe of his boot in the dirt."

"What other thing?" Jack prodded coming back from the river's edge.

"You know, what happened to my neighbor down home. I'm always scared someone will find out our secret and take after one of us."

"I told you once before, Ennis. It ain't nobody's business but ours."

"I know, I know that; but it don't stop me bein afraid." Ennis stood there, hands stuffed into his jacket pocket, dark eyes peering out from under his hat brim at Jack.

"I love you, Ennis. And you love me. We know these kinds of things can happen so we can just be very careful; not take any chances." He took Ennis in his arms and held him close.

"Jack, if only we could…"

Ennis woke up with a start. Damn! It had happened again. He was right back there in that clearing with Jack. Things were a little bit different though. He had opened up and told Jack why he had held off for so long and Jack had told him he loved him. They had never said the words before but he had thought about them often enough.

He fingered the red ball still in his hand and wondered. Their conversation in the clearing had ended differently. He had actually said what he felt and so did Jack. Jack loved him! He had finally heard those words out of Jack's own mouth. He remembered the look in Jacks eyes when he said it. He remembered those blue eyes smiling into his. He remembered the embrace; could still feel the arms holding him; the soft nuzzle of Jack's cheek against his own.

"How can this be?" He whispered to himself as he got up out of bed. "I know this is impossible but I WAS just with Jack! It wasn't a dream; I've had dreams about Jack before and they weren't nothin like this!"

He got a beer out of the refrigerator and began pacing back and forth in his small space. He had to figure this out. If he really could go back in time … if he really could change things … do things differently; how would he handle it? What did he really want? He wanted Jack back alive; he knew that all right; but what else? What did he want for them?

The pain and loneliness of the past twenty years rolled over him like a great dark cloud and made one thing was perfectly clear; he wanted to be with Jack. He couldn't take being without him any more. If it meant risking both their lives to be together then maybe that's what they needed to do. How could he do it though? Could he really make it happen? Just by thinking things different, could he really give himself and Jack a second chance? It was all too impossible to imagine. He drained the first bottle and went for a second.

Jack back in his life again, alive and smiling and happy and reaching for him. It was too much to hope for. It couldn't really happen; it had to be some sort of trick; didn't it? But to have Jack back again; even for a short time; it would be worth it. He had to think; had to come up with a plan.

The first thing he had to do was get his mind clear. He dumped the rest of the beer down the drain and made a fresh pot of coffee. If he could do it; should he? Wouldn't changing one little thing, change everything? The entire world? This was all too much for him to get his brain around. He realized it was late and he was hungry so he fixed himself some dinner.

The man said one hour back in time or he'd have to stay. What if he wanted to stay; could he? That would be living all those years over again; being young again. Hell, yes! He'd do it in a heart beat! But how? What he had here would be easy enough to walk away from. His trailer wasn't much but he had paid $3000 five years ago for it and as old as it was, fifteen years; it looked pretty good and everything worked … more or less. He did have to baby the heater, actually the thermostat which had to be thumped now and again, but it did work good once it was on and everything else worked fine.

If he was going to go back in time and stay there; he'd have no need for this trailer. He'd have to see about selling it. It was bigger than the trailer that he had back then but not by much a sixty footer instead of the old forty footer. He'd have to sell his horses too; the mare and the gelding. He'd gotten quite used to them but neither had the spirit of his old horses. It broke his heart when he had to have one put down and a few years later the second one, the gray took sick and passed. His current horses weren't that old, four and six years. They should bring in at least $500 or $600 each. And if he could get half of what he paid for the trailer on a quick sale, he could go to Jack with a nice little bank roll.

Would he dare? Could he actually do this? He took out a pencil and paper and started a list. First thing tomorrow morning he'd call the ranch and tell Muncy that he was quitting. He had more than enough men to take care of the place. He'd probably be glad for one less pay check to hand out. Next he'd go to the post office and put up a notice on the community bulletin board that his pick-up, trailer and horses were for sale. He figured he'd get at least another $700 or $800 for his pickup. He'd have to check the ads in the newspaper and see what they were going for.

When he finished his chili and fruit cocktail he got the paper and thumbed through the ad section. Very few trucks were available and not a single trailer listed. Maybe he'd do just as well if he just went to the used car lot and asked what they'd give him. He'd go to the same lot where he bought his trailer. Maybe they would buy it back? It didn't matter how much they gave him; he'd leave with whatever he could come up with. He had a few hundred in the bank; he'd have to remember to withdraw that tomorrow as well.

He'd have to do a major clean up job on the trailer but that never took very long. He had nothing that he'd want to take with him; maybe a memento or two; just a couple of small things that he could stick in his pocket.

He could hardly sleep that night for going over his plans. What if he woke up tomorrow and this was all just a dream? He held the red ball in his fist, reluctant to let it go even for a moment. It was a link to Jack; his only link. Even if it was only a dream; it was the best thing that had happened to him in years and he didn't want to take the chance of losing it. He closed his hand tightly around the ball and put his hand under his pillow. Soon he would be with Jack again; see him, hold him. And this time, he would stay. He'd tell him how much he missed him, how much he needed him and he'd tell him he loved him too because he knew by now that he did. No matter what label that put on him; he loved Jack and he was going to tell him so…

"Hey, Cowboy, you gonna sit by that fire all night or are you gonna come in this here tent with me. I can warm you up better than that fire; I promise you." Jack grinned through the open tent door.

"Be right there. I was just thinkin." Ennis got up went on into the tent. Jack grabbed him as he entered and in minutes they were both naked and rolling on the blankets. They gasped and grunted and groaned against one another and collapsed in utter bliss; Jack pulling the covers up around their naked sated bodies.

"So what was you thinkin; 'bout that; maybe?" Jack rested his head against Ennis's bare chest.

"Thinkin lots a things, Jack. Mostly how you make me feel; I guess."

"How I make you feel? How do I make you feel?"

"Oh I donno; like I'm somethin special."

"You are somethin special, Ennis. You're special to me."

"Ain't no one else that matters, Jack." Ennis pressed a kiss into the dark hair.

"That's the way I feel, Ennis. Ya know … we never talked like this before. I like it."

"Me too, Lil darlin, me too." Ennis pulled Jack closer in his arms and dozed off…

Ennis awoke alone in his trailer and grinned at the dampness of the sheets. He had been with Jack again. He sighed deeply and relived the dream; Jack warm and sleepy in his arms; Jack tight up against him, his hair tickling Ennis's nose. Jack was his fantasy, his dream; all he wanted in this cold and lonely world. He opened his hand to find the ball still there. He grinned another big grin and jumped up out of bed. First thing he hit the shower then made some coffee. A few handfuls of Cheerios and he was dialing the ranch. He'd already been paid on Friday for the week so there wasn't any need to even go back out to the ranch.

Muncy took his news of quitting without surprise. Ranch hands were used to taking off at the drop of a hat and the ranch was well enough staffed that he wasn't in any bind. He wished Ennis well and at the last minute the thought occurred to Ennis to ask if he might be interested in his horses or his pickup. As a matter of fact, he was. He said he was going to be in Riverton that afternoon and would take a closer look at the truck. He knew Ennis's horses well and made an offer $1500 for the two of them. Ennis accepted and promised to have them ready that afternoon.

He spent an hour cleaning up his trailer then went into town. He put his notice up at the post office, and got the $350 out of his bank and closed out his account. He went to the used car lot and asked about his truck and if they were interested in his trailer. The man offered him $650 for his pickup but he told him he had someone else coming to look at it that afternoon so he would have to wait in that. The man also said he was interested in the trailer as he had had inquiries only a few days before and he had none to offer. He said he'd come right out after lunch and take a look at it.

Ennis went over to Murdocks stables and got his horses out; paid off his rental space there and told them he wouldn't be needing it any more. He hauled the horses and tack back to the trailer park, got them out and tethered them to a nearby tree then went inside and fixed himself some lunch.

A trickle of fear crept up his spine as he began to worry again. What if it didn't work? What if he wasn't able to stay there? He had always just seemed to come back. He had to figure out a way to stay there longer than an hour. He noticed one thing, while in the past, he didn't seem to have any memory of the present. He had to somehow remind himself while he was in the past, that he needed to stay there at least an hour. He needed to make a note to himself or take something along that would remind him. He thought and thought then came up with the perfect selection. He dug around in his dresser drawer until he found it and stuffed it in his back pocket just as the used car salesman drove up.

He went outside to meet him and showed him around the trailer. The salesman was very pleased and went into his sales routine saying he could get a much better price if they waited until they had a buyer, or advertised and got the word around. But Ennis insisted he wanted a quick sale and agreed with a handshake when the salesman offered him $1600 cash for it. The salesman wrote out a check and handed it to him and Ennis promised to be out by that evening and told him he would leave the keys with the park manager.

Ennis jumped in his truck after the salesman left and drove into town to the bank and cashed the check. Muncy got there right after he got back from town and went immediately to the horses. He was very pleased, especially when Ennis included saddles and tack in the deal. A little waggling over the pickup and they agreed on $800. Muncy paid off in cash as Ennis had asked and said he would pick the truck up that evening. Ennis promised to leave it sitting right there and gave him the second set of keys along with the title signed over then drove back into town and took down his notice.

Fifteen minutes later Ennis was standing in the middle of his trailer looking around. He had taken all the food out of the cabinets and refrigerator and dumped it in the trash then followed that with his clothes. All he would need was the clothes on his back and whatever he had taken on that last camping trip with him. He went to the closet door and took down the picture postcard of Brokeback Mountain. He folded it in half and stuck it in his back pocket with the other. He reached up to where the nail had been that held their two shirts. There was nothing there, no hole, nothing. He ran his hand over the smooth surface and missed their presence. He didn't need them now; he was going to be with Jack. It was Christmas and he was going to spend it with Jack! Their first Christmas together!

He wasn't sure he could take anything back with him but he was sure going to try. He had written himself a note, had a pocket full of money, a couple of mementos, and the ball in his hand. This time he was going to try and take it back with him. He stuck his hand in his jacket pocket squeezed the ball tightly and thought about their last meeting…

"You know, friend, this is a goddamned bitch of an unsatisfactory situation. You used to come away easy, now it's like seein the pope." Jack said angrily turning back to face Ennis.

"Jack, I gotta work. Them earlier days, I used a quit the jobs. You forget how it is being broke all the time. You ever hear a child support? I can't quit this one and I can't get the time off. You got a better idea?" He shoved his hands back into his pockets.

"I did once," Jack said in a bitter tone.

The steam was rising in Ennis; would he never be able to get through to Jack? He fumbled with a piece of paper in his pocket and took it out. It was his handwriting and it said "Stay more than one hour." What on earth? Where did that come from and why did he write that? He shoved it back into his pocket and came back out with a small red ball. Huh! Now where the hell did that come from?

Jack was droning on, "…we coulda had a good life together; a real good life…"

Ennis turned away from Jack, his jeans rubbing tight against his leg. He slid his hand into a back pocket, felt something there and pulled it out. It was a card, folded in half. A picture of Brokeback Mountain!

"…count the damn few times we've been together in twenty years…"

"What the…" he reached back into the pocket and pulled out another card folded in half. It was addressed to Jack in Ennis's handwriting. He flipped it over and saw the red letters D E C E A S E D stamped across his writing. A jolt went through him that sent him trembling to his knees. Jack! He was here with Jack!

"Ennis? Jesus, Ennis, are you OK?" Jack came quickly to him grabbing him in a bear hug as he struggled to stand.

"Jack! My God, Jack!" Ennis hugged him tight. He remembered it all now; all the lonely years with the thought of Jack lying dead beside some highway; dead and gone from his life. Tears scalded his face as he clasped Jack close to him; patting his face, kissing him with tear-wet lips. "Jack!" His knees gave out on him again and he went down taking Jack with him in a death grip.

"I can't stand this, Ennis! I damn well can't stand it any more!" Jack said returning Ennis's desperate grip in kind. "We need to be together!"

Ennis gasped and tried to speak over his sobs. "Jack, it's all I ever wanted. I just was too scared."

"I know that, Ennis, but we still need to be together. We ain't, neither one of us, any good apart. That don't tell you something right there?"

"Uh huh. It sure enough does, Jack." Ennis struggled back to his feet again with Jack's help.

"We can't go on like this, tearin our guts out every time we have to say goodbye and bein apart for months on end; it ain't right!"

"Let's don't do it no more then, OK?" Ennis hic cupped.

"You don't wanna see me no more?" Jack asked wide-eyed.

"I meant let's don't say good-bye no more."

"But … how?"

"Jack, I told you 'no' for years and years now. I had my reasons and they was good ones at the time but that time has passed. I got only three more payments of child support for Jenny and I got that much in the bank." The thought of money reminded him of something and he patted his left front jeans pocket. It bulged with the wad of cash. "I got some money, Jack. Not all that much but a little bit of a stake. You been askin me all these years and now I'm askin you. Let's you and me just go off somewhere; I don't care where; just somewhere where we can be together."

Jack stood there open-mouthed gripping Ennis by the shoulders. "You mean that? You'll come away with me?"

"I will. Anywhere you say; I'm hopin you ain't gonna say Texas though." Ennis smiled at him.

"Ennis! You mean it? You really mean it?" Jack was shocked.

"Uh huh. You want me, I want you; let's do it."

"YEEEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!" Jack howled and tossed his hat into the sky. Where it landed; he didn't know or care. He was swinging Ennis around, pounding him on the back, kissing him, and howling all at the same time.

Ennis laughed out loud; for the first time in as long as he could remember.

"You ain't gonna change your mind now are you, Cowboy?" Jack suddenly became serious.

"Nope. Mind's made up. It's you and me from now on. What ever time we have left, I want us to spend it together." Ennis smiled at him.

"Well … when? How soon? Where do you wanna go? When did you change your mind? Why?" Jack was suddenly filled with a lot of questions.

"I'll answer all your questions later on. Right now I just wanna hold you; that all right with you?"

"You bet!" They clung to each other a few moments in silence then Jack started with the questions again. "When you figure we can do this? Right away? I gotta go back to Childress and get things squared away …" That's as far as he got.

"NO! NO! I don't want you going back to Texas. Not ever! Can't you do what needs to be done over the phone? Please don't go back to Texas." It all came out like one long desperate sentence.

"OK; you don't want me to go back to Texas, I won't."

"Thank you! Thank you! Can we just go off somewhere?"

"Sure, where do you want to go?" Jack asked, still unable to believe this was happening.

"I don't care. I'll go anywhere with you, Jack; just not to Texas."

"OK. I can understand that. You got any ideas?"

"How about the nearest motel? I'd really like to spend Christmas Day in bed with you!"

"Huh? Ennis, it's May! Christmas isn't for another seven months!"

Ennis stared at him for a minute then gathered his thoughts. "Did I say Christmas Day? I meant I wanted to spend the rest of the day in bed with you. That'd be like Christmas. You could be my present; I could spend hours and hours un-wrapping you. How does that sound? We can knock some plans around then; maybe come up with a few good ideas. What do you think?"

"I think I like the way you think. I'm just scared you'll change your mind."

"Nope. Not a chance. C'mon. If I remember correctly, there's a little motel back behind that place where we used to gas up. Is it still there?"

"Used to gas up? It's where we always gas up. And that motel was there a weeek ago when we came by; why wouldn't it still be there? Ennis you're acting kinda goofy. You all right?"

"You bet. C'mon; let's go." He pulled Jack by the arm towards where their trucks were parked when he stopped dead in his tracks. His old truck! His horses! There they were! Smokey and Alamo! He let go of Jack's arm and went over to them, patting them tenderly on their muzzles; reaching in to get at both of them. They nickered a little at his touch and settled back down. Tears filled his eyes and he blinked them back.

He turned and looked at Jack and grabbed him up in a bear hug. "I can't believe you're here. I … oh shit, I almost forgot! We gotta stay here, I think. What time is it?"

"Huh? What difference does the time make? You got a date or somethin?"

"I don't want to leave here yet. Let's set the tent back up. I wanna stay here a while longer. What did you say the time was?"

"It's 9:15, Ennis, why you wanna stay here? I thought you wanted to get to that motel?"

"I do. Just not right now. It's early yet. Why don't we set the tent back up? We can rest a little while, fool around, have some lunch maybe, then go to that motel later; a couple hours, how about that?"

Jack stared at him a minute longer, threw his hands up and started unloading the tent. While he fiddled with that, Ennis got the fire going again. When Jack's back was turned he slipped the two post cards out of his back pocket and tearing them into small pieces scattered them into the fire. Once the tent was up, Jack joined Ennis at the fire pit for a cup of coffee.

"You got something on your mind, Ennis? I never seen you like this before."

"Yeah, Jack, I do. I just realized a coupla things. I'm never gonna be alone again. I'm never gonna have to drink until I pass out to get some sleep. I'm never gonna wake up alone again. And there's somethin else too. Somethin I need to tell you."

"What would that be?" Jack sipped his coffee and wondered at the change in this man.

"I love you, Jack. I think I always have." Ennis watched Jack's face closely for his reaction.

A slow smile made its way across Jack's face; curved his lips up and crinkled his eyes into narrow blue slits. "I knew you did! I coulda told you that!" He grinned.

"I just figured you ought to know, is all." Ennis turned back to poke the fire up.

"I know. Just like you know that I love you." Jack said tenderly.

Ennis looked back up at him. "You do?"

"Hell yes! You think I'da put up with all your shit if I didn't?"

"And what shit would that be, Jack fucking Twist?" Ennis asked with a grin.

"Well for one thing, you invitin me to stay here longer so's we can canoodle and then sittin there with all your clothes on!" Jack said in mock anger.

"Alls you had to do was say the word. I been waitin on you to get the tent up."

"Well the tent's up and so am I. How about it?" Jack stood up.

"OK. I always enjoy openin my presents on Christmas."

"There you go with that Christmas talk again, Ennis." Jack said as they made their way back into the tent.

"Shit!" Ennis said aloud then thought to himself that he was going to have to watch that and get used to the idea that it was May l983 and not December of 2004. Well it might be May to Jack but to him it was Christmas and he was 39 again and definitely going to enjoy unwraping his gift! Over and over!

Merry Christmas all!

The End.


End file.
